Is Online Dating At 40 Killing Your Chance Of Love?

Is online dating at 40 killing your chance of love?

If you’re in your 40’s and still looking for love, could technology be hindering rather that helping your relationship status?

You’ve probably noticed that dating is no longer how it was 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago. I remember when a friend of mine first tried online dating. Then, it was considered something only a desperado would do. Even though many frowned upon it, I thought it was marvellous that at 40, she could meet someone that way.

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Once considered to be unconventional, online dating at 40 is now a great way to meet a like-minded partner. Someone who you’d never normally meet unless you were lucky enough to randomly cross paths with them, which was unlikely.

Fast-forward 10 years. Now online dating, even in midlife, has become the norm. Most couples are happy to admit that they met the love of their life online.

Fact: A Pew Research Center study from this year shows that 5% of committed relationships and marriages in the US started online. Another study run by eHarmony states that 1 in 3 marriages in the US begin online.

So why then are there still so many single men and women in their 40’s looking for their love match? Technology today is supposed to make it easier than ever to meet people. It’s supposed to be a great way to create your own midlife happiness.

There are a great many upsides to online dating at 40. It’s also true that it hasn’t been an entirely positive experience for many. There is a downside to the online world that doesn’t just affect online daters. It also impacts the men and woman who are trying to meet their match in the more conventional way.

The BIG scary truth is..

There are three reasons why finding love in your 40’s seems to be getting harder:

  • opportunity
  • competition
  • fantasy (also known as delusion)

These three significant and insidious reasons are why so many women feel as though every man they meet and actually like, disappear. It seems that something always happens that has the man pulling away, even when they thought they had a real connection with them. Left second-guessing themselves, women feel disheartened over and over again.

So let’s break this down further:

Opportunity Online

Not only do we have more opportunities to meet more men, we’ve also got more choices of potential partners than ever before. But what happens when you have too many options?

Too many options can overwhelm and confuse. It’s like getting ready to go out. If you have too many outfit choices it will take you longer to get ready. If you only had one or two choices, then it would be easier and quicker to choose what looks best.

When you can easily meet and communicate with as many men as you like, you can become picky. Deciding who’s potentially your best match and getting together with any of them, becomes even more difficult.

Competition – It’s Never Easy

As there are more opportunities for you to meet men, so are there more opportunities for men to meet women. There is more competition than ever, not just among men but among women as well.

Online dating at 40 has become a smorgasbord of choice, making us greedy. Greed heightens expectations and it becomes increasingly difficult to stand out among our ‘competitors’. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Our little quirks and habits that make us unique. It is increasingly more difficult to let these shine through with so much critique and competition.

It’s become really difficult to attract the attention of just one man, just as it’s become really difficult to focus your own attention on one man. But there is one more factor that prevents many of us from finding their match.

Fantasy – It’s A Delusion

We all have our fantasies in spite of our better judgement. We seek perfection even though we know there is no such thing as a perfect, totally flawless man. The increase in the number of dating opportunities and the tougher competition unfortunately feeds these fantasies. We are inclined to pass up on good men in favour of someone who seems like the fantasy come true, but will never live up to this perfect image. This is a delusion that will keep you from love.

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So here are a few tips you can use in this complicated dating environment:

Get to know yourself better

Getting to know what you like, what you want, and what makes you happy is a very necessary first step to a happy dating life and to finding your life partner. If you know what you want, you are less likely to fall victim to the greed that causes mental and emotional paralysis, making you incapable of picking a man from the multitudes online.

Be resilient in your approach

Once you’ve identified what you want in a healthy loving relationship, don’t give up too easily. The many dating opportunities may be a mixed blessing. Just as you get confused about the men you meet, remember the guys feel the same. Don’t take something that looks like rejection as a personal representation of you. Also, you don’t have to settle for someone that you’re not really into. You’ve just got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. Don’t be afraid. You won’t get a better shot at finding a truly intimate, fulfilling relationship. No relationship is perfect but as long as you’re realistic and resilient in your approach, you can make yours a happy one.

Engage in real life

Even though online dating at 40 is great, there is nothing quite like actual face-to-face contact. Even video chats cannot give you this sense of direct communication. Take the opportunity to really get to know the person you’re interested in and is interested in you. Real life direct contact can help you see more clearly whether the man who’s piqued your interest online is indeed the man who you can fall in love with. Second to that, get out of your house and meet more people in general. Do not rely on online dating. Instead live your life with passion!

Be bold. Approach men!

Faith in love, confidence and self-belief are essential for you to attract the love you want. Standing out in the crowd will erase all unrealistic expectations because confident people are also realistic people, which makes them resilient.

Conclusion

Engage more in life. Take the initiative to meet more people when you’re out and about. Unfortunately, social conventions still hold a lot of women over 40 back. They still find it difficult to approach the online dating world, specially in midlife. Be bold and push aside your fears and archaic social conditioning.

Try approaching the man you’re interested in instead of waiting for him to approach you. Imagine that maybe he’s shy or slightly intimidated by you. Or he just hasn’t had the chance to fully notice you. Why not give him this chance? Men like confident women above everything else. Show him your sparkle and watch him gravitate towards you.

The woman who finds the love she wants stays open to love, even when it feels difficult to do so.

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